I'm on overload

I was just reading Lourd de Veyra's graduation speech for this year's UP MassComm graduates and I must say he hit a nerve in me.  I've never been a fan of his and I don't really know much about him except that he's a witty writer/musician, but that speech is one of the most thought-provoking ones I've read in a while.

He talked about how lucky students are that information is so readily available via the internet... that there's no excuse for being an idiot nowadays when we can Google any topic in the known universe. 

Unfortunately, that's exactly our problem -- there's just too much information.  We're all overloaded with data, that sifting through everything is bogging us down.  We are information-fatigued.

~oOo~

On the internet, everyone's a smartass.  Everyone's a writer. Everyone's a blogger.  I, for one, hate calling myself a blogger.  The word makes my skin crawl.  There's something vulgar about it that I can't really explain.  I want to be called a writer... but I hardly write.  Now that I rarely post here, I can't even be called a lousy blogger.

So here I am, nearly a decade on and I'm still looking for that niche writing style that I can claim for my own.  However, being the scatterbrain that I am, I don't think that'll happen any time soon. Maybe if I look at my computer screen long enough, that elusive flash of inspiration will eventually show up?

She lives!!!

When it's been so long since my last proper update, there's just too much to say and I don't know where to begin.


So let me just start with a photo --

Yes,  all those months of silence did not curb my camwhore tendencies.  There have been bajillions of photos, stories and random shit that I think I ought to just scrap all of them and start in the here and now.

And now, I'M IN CALIFORNIA.  I've been here for 3 months.

Next week, I'LL BE BACK IN MANILA.

People think I must be living the life, but  I don't.  I'm actually bankrupt and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I have a weird set of priorities.  While some people give away all their cash for the latest gadgets or the trendiest designer threads, I spend mine on exploring.  Every new place and my experiences of them, however, are priceless.

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Still Half-Blind

I had a niggly feeling that my already poor eyesight is getting worse and that deciding to go to the optometrists over the weekend made me nervous.  But as my eyeglass frame is already battered and very unpresentable, I've decided I should have my specs updated.

When the optometrist asked me to read the letters on the wall, they might as well have looked like this --

I can't read a thing!!  Going for eye check-ups never fail to distress me. 

The doctor tells me that my nearsightedness had gone down but my astigmatism had gone up a notch.  I didn't know how to react -- should I be happy or disappointed?  It seems like things are the same. Still, I'm thankful the readings aren't as bad as I thought they would be.

Sometimes, I feel like I want to see a lot of the world, read a lot of books and watch tons of films because I'm trying to cram everything in before I go completely blind.  Right now, that is my worst fear.  I'm not afraid that I may end up being a childless spinster or destitute, but losing my sight completely is what I feel would be the most tragic thing that could ever happen to me.

I may just be paranoid, but at least this fear is driving me to make the most out of my life.

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It's a matter of relativity

I absolutely love, love, love this strip from Calm Blue Oceans --

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2011: Mid-year review

It's the first day of July, meaning that we're about halfway into the year -- which makes me wonder how I've managed so far.  I drafted a list of goals during the New Year, so maybe I'll revisit that first.

I've certainly ticked off most of the things on my list, which makes me feel quite good.

Addressing my fear of heights, advocacy and swimming still look like they're going to take a while.  But I do have a bit more courage than I used to.  The magic place, I've still yet to find -- I've only been back for 3 weeks, though. 

There are also quite a few things that I believe really made for an eventful first half of 2011 --

• Flying off to the UK for almost 3 months
• Traveling all over Scotland for a week
• A 22-hour drive to and from the Franco-German border
• A funeral I won't ever forget
• Re-discovering myself and what really matters to me

After all of that, I feel like I've matured 5 more years!  I just hope it doesn't show on my face.  Tsk.  With a first 6 months as hectic as this, I wonder what the rest of this holi-year has in store for me?

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No half measures

Adverts at the cinema can be a pain.  I really wish they'd just get on with it and show the movie already.  Last night, however, I was happy to have seen the advert of a previously unheard of energy drink.


Sometimes life lessons can be learned even when you're just sitting down, waiting for a film to come on.  Life certainly is interesting.







The following is the full text from the advert (I didn't write it, just making that clear) --

I have virtues, which others may deem vices -- virtues which guide me and together, have made me. I embrace pain, suffering and sacrifice, and gain strength from obsession. It is true; they have given me scars that I know will never fade. But for that, I am grateful. Because they show me what is within me and what is within reach of me.


And through all of this, I live each day without compromise, without regret and without excuse. So as I endure the misfortune which lies in my path, I chase down my vision without diversion or retreat. And in the pursuit of my passions, I am neither timid nor afraid. I am relentless… and I will accept no half measures.

Crash Victim

Woe on us who rely too much on computer technology!

The last couple of days was a nightmare, as I tried to salvage the un-backed up files (all the photos! the memories! the agony of the prospect of not being able to see them again!) from a corrupt hard disk.  I can't work, I can't eat, I can't think of anything but trying to get my computer to boot up so I can weasel my files outta that darn hard drive.

We've all been there -- full flash and external hard drives just suddenly going kaput and whole computers just refusing to boot up or worse -- they just suddenly don't switch on.

That's one of the drawbacks of the digital age, obviously.  Because computers have made our lives so easy and convenient, we have become very dependent on them.  Unfortunately, we sometimes have to deal with having all our hard work go out in a puff of electrical smoke.

Frustrated Sosyalera Gets A Makeover

The funny thing about major life changes is that you want to change everything else that went with your old life.  I don't understand why I've been so lazy at posting stuff here lately, and I never really wanted to stop, but I've decided to do something drastic about it.

So I thought I'd give it a major overhaul.  I really liked the old template made for me by my good friend, Paolo, but it just wasn't me anymore.

So I got this design from the ultra-skillful Zoe of Chic & Sassy Designs and I'm absolutely loving it!  I'm hoping to high heavens it would inspire me.

Watch this space. ;-)

Settling into my (old) refuge

After setting my suitcases down in my old British bedroom, I was really touched to see my Auntie had set my old bed nearly like I left it.  It has been 5 long years, but it feels like only yesterday.

The bunny's on my bed, just in time for Easter!

As I can work anywhere that's got broadband, I've packed my "mini-office" into my luggage as well.  I've got an ickle desk space waiting for me in my Uncle's home office.

There's a bit of a mess, though (giggle), which I had to  gingerly push aside to make room for my stuff.

It's nice to be finally back, even thought it's only temporary.

All time low (well, almost)

A mix of good and bad things happen to us on a daily basis, but some days are just so shit that nothing ever goes as you intend them to.

I had one of them two Saturdays ago.

It started out pretty idyllic. I had a late night foodtripping at Ortigas with some friends, so I wasn't really in the mood for anything strenuous (yes, even if it was a Saturday). So I decided to get a massage at a certain spa.

However, I was so lazy and kept putting off leaving that it was 3pm by the time I left. And since I live out in the sticks, I had to ride an fx taxi out of my area just to get a proper cab.

Strike 1

When the fx driver didn't go through the usual route, I had to get off immediately before I end up even more out of the way. Walking towards the sidewalk, I got sideswiped by a mad motorcycle, which I pushed away from me. Darn these assholes, speeding in narrow streets! Good thing I was alert enough, otherwise he could've ran me down, the stupid idiot.

Thankfully, I only had a few bruises and a scratch to show for it, but still!

Strike 2

When I arrived at the spa, the receptionist tells me I have to wait at least 3 hours for a session. Yeah, I forgot to book an appointment.

Strike 3

So I decided to just hang about, get a coffee and write for a bit. I was concentrating on my notebook when the old man from the next table starting chatting me up. He told me about moving house, his daughters, etc. I was just being polite and nodding or commenting on the right moments. Then he tells me --

Your face is pretty, but you have dark skin.

What the heck, gramps?! Are you kidding me???  I didn't know if that was a backhanded compliment or a sincere one. I didn't realise that not being fair-skinned was a disadvantage! I just let him say a few more things and then told him I had to go somewhere else. After that strange comment, the conversation was over, as far as I was concerned.

Strike 4

After getting myself a copy of Beat the Bitch (I was so ashamed about getting this that I had to hold it face down until I reached the cashier) from a nearby bookstore, I decided to try the mini-spas in another mall to see if I could get a massage from there. After asking 3 various places, I gave up. All of them wanted me to wait for at least an hour. That teaches me not to call in for a booking, but that's also the final strike for the day. Might as well go home and read my embarrassing book!

It's cliche, but let's set some goals here.

Of course it's redundant -- New Year, new start, new goals, new failures and new achievements. It's what January is all about, my friend!

I've decided to jump into the resolution bandwagon and made a list of what I want to do this year. However, it has none of those eating healthier, losing weight, getting fit, being nicer or earning more money. My list is relatively easier to do and a bit more realistic.

Here are the 11 things I want to achieve this year --

1. Sort my wardrobe out.

I swear, snakes could be living in it and I would be none the wiser. HOWEVER, I've started doing this yesterday, so it's well on it's way to getting ticked off.

BEFORE

AFTER (well, halfway after)

2. Read, watch and listen more.

I want to make more time to finish books, movies and to discover new music. Doing these things help you grow as an individual (plus, it makes you more interesting).

3. Take more photos.

Remember I had just bought my Nikon a couple of months ago? Well, I guess I'm not entirely satisfied because I bought an Eximus film camera last week --

I've started my own Project 360 -- you know, that thing where you take photos everyday for a year? For a change, though, I originally wanted to use my Polaroid. It will turn out to be too expensive, so I opted for a slide film camera instead. I wanted to stick my photos into a notebook, complete with thoughts for the day, and be able to look back on it at the end of the year by just leafing through paper pages and not on my computer. I'm so touchy-feely.

4. Write more.

Sometimes I think I write about myself too much. But I'd rather leave traces of myself wherever I could, because those moments will be gone forever, anyway. Might as well jot those nagging thoughts down.

5. Something different happens everyday.

Routine can kill your imagination. Even if you wake up, get dressed, go to work and come home on a daily basis, there's always something different to be appreciated in between those times. I want to notice them and be grateful for them.

6. Shy away from being shy.

I'm painfully shy. Whodathunkit?!? I want to at least overcome this a little bit. It's part of having courage.

7. Find a magic place in the city

Whenever I'm feeling down, a trip to the seaside always does me good. But living in Manila, beaches are not exactly easy to get to. I don't want to count MOA -- there's just too many people! So maybe there's somewhere else I can go to get some peace and inspiration, and I intend to find it.

8. Address my altaphobia.

I am terrified of heights, as evidenced  by this event.  I want to challenge myself and this is one way of doing that. But no, Helena, I won't be skydiving just yet. No siree! That's just a bit much. Hahaha

9. Learn to swim.

I fail this every year and it will continue to be on my list until I drag my ass down to a swim school to do it. Sheesh.

10. Advocacy.

I thought it's about time I gave back to the community, but I'm still working out how to do it and if I want to join an organisation for it.

11. More "thank you's," less "it's ok's," "I'll be alright's" and "don't worry about it's."

We should all remember that we deserve all the good things that come our way and that we shouldn't settle for hacks.

2010, you really shattered those darn windows

As it's the last day of the year, I couldn't help but look back on all that happened to me.  It had been a year of extreme everything -- physical, emotional and social changes.  I'm so proud of myself for having the tenacity to drag myself out of the muck and made sure to end 2010 on a high note.

I have learned more in the last few months than the last 5 or 6 years put together.  I've discovered that what really held me back from realizing my true potential is just one thing -- 

Fear.

I was always afraid.  

Afraid of disappointing my parents.  Afraid of making mistakes.  Afraid of making a fool of myself.  Afraid of changes.  Afraid of failure.  Afraid of success.  Afraid of meeting new people.  Afraid of letting people get too close.  Afraid of going out of my comfort zone.  Afraid of uncertainty.

I stuck to well-lit roads, did not move or just abandoned the things I started because of all those fears.  And I have just realised that I was only half-living my life. 

Now I know what I need.  

For 2011 and for the rest of my life, I pray for courage.  The courage to follow my heart, to listen to my instincts, to allow myself to make mistakes, to be selfish with compassion and to accept that there is no love in peace.  

Welcome 2011 sa Barangay Tagumpay!

Holiday blues

I hadn't left the house since Monday and in that enclosed space, Christmas is very far from my consciousness.

So when I'd gone out to visit the office earlier today, that's when it really hit me -- the traffic is horrendous, too many people at the malls, everywhere you look is red & green and everybody's unusually perky.

What's with my Scroogey attitude? Well, that's probably because this year's Christmas, for me, feels disconcertingly cold (figuratively) and quiet. But every time that thought creeps into my head, I think about the times I spent Christmas in a strange place and having next to no friends. That's a lot worse than what I'm going through now.



So I'll try my best to keep things in perspective... No matter how difficult that may be.

The Search

I'm in U2 mode at the moment, sort of like a cram session. Won't say any more than that for now.




I've claimed that their "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" is the story of my life, it's strange that I've only contemplated on its significance recently.

Everyone's life is based on some kind of search -- love, truth, justice, financial freedom, equality, respect and so many others. From where I'm standing, they don't seem to end. Once you reach your destination or your goal, something else always crops up.

I wonder, how many can claim contentment, settle and sing Survivor's "The Search is Over?" Cheesiness ensues.

Procrastination is like masturbation

Nobody knows who this quote is by (some say it's a Monty Python quote), but whatever. I think it's hilariously accurate.

Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. ~Author unknown

Nearly every post I published in the last several months makes reference to the fact that I hadn't done any proper writing because I was "too busy" or "didn't have enough time." And then a few days ago, I came across this quote (yes, another one) --

Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its shortness. ~Jean de La Bruyère

Ouch. That smarts.

It's true. I didn't have enough time because I was shit at time management. I've known this all along, of course, but hadn't given it a thought until now.

Why didn't I have enough time to write? Because I was busy flooding my Twitter and Facebook pages with nonsense or stuff that I could've turned into proper posts if I had actually sat down and written them. I procrastinated heavily.

The same goes for doing actual work. I end up working until midnight (sometimes even way past that) because I waste a huge chunk of my time checking my damn Facebook profile. Sure it was fun, but it didn't really do me a lot of good. I get very little sleep and even less time for clearing my book and film debt.

I'm doing well, so far, with abstaining from these distractions. I just hope I can keep it up.

The Shift

After undergoing my own version of a paradigm shift, I have realised that I suddenly didn't possess the same inclinations I used to have before the events.

If I used to think this site is a projection of my shallow thoughts and interests, that view had become magnified at least tenfold. I had attempted to write about new stuff, but they all came out forced and I became irritated with the whole process. I've actually considered just giving up many times.

Frustrated Sosyalera is a lifestyle site. A place where you could find out about stuff a lot of people would see as "superficial" such as fashion, makeup, beauty tips, what or where to eat and what to do when you're bored.

I don't do much of those things anymore, though. Most of the time now I just work at home, watch a few movies, hang out with friends and read books.

Yes, read books. I'm such a nerd.

If I'm not reading books, I"m lost in thought a lot. Philosophising my way to enlightenment, who knows? I sometimes drive myself crazy. These aren't the kind of things a "sosyalera" would do! So it would seem that I had tons of things to write about, but I don't exactly think this site was the right avenue for them.

As the next logical step, therefore, I tried creating new blogs for my new world, but I couldn't make them work. They strangely seem too detached for me.

And then it hit me -- this is happening to me simply because I had undergone some drastic changes in myself, but that I'm essentially still the same person I had always been. To really move forward, you will have to accept that things from your past, no matter how awful they may have been or how difficult to relate with they have become, are a part of you and they will always be a part of you.

So I've made a decision.

This blog is changing with me. The title may not fit anymore, but it's still me.





I looked out through this window and I saw possibilities.

Easy like Sunday morning -- on a Thursday

I can't say that my job is particularly exciting -- it doesn't even allow me to socialise on a personal level -- but it does give me a lot of flexibility with regards to scheduling weekday appointments.

Like yesterday, for example. I had to visit an office in Makati very early in the morning and push papers around. If I worked in an office, I would've had to make an excuse like call in sick or I'll be late, etc. As I work from home, I only needed to call into the office and tell them I'll start work probably after lunchtime.

I expected my appointment yesterday to last the whole morning, but instead it only lasted 20 minutes. I suddenly had the whole morning to myself.




So I decided to lounge around with a macchiato and read a book. This Thursday morning felt like Sunday and it's soooo nice. Simple pleasures -- you gotta love 'em.


And yes, I mark pages on novels. So you can tell this one is good because it looks like a textbook now. Hahaha!

Changes

At times when your life turns topsy-turvy and everything's become such a big mess, you can't help but change your perspective on life. You either become more cynical or more grateful.



When you look out of your window, what do you see? I see that my windows are mucky and that they need a good wipe!




I'd been looking for signs everywhere lately. So when butterflies started visiting my window plants everyday, I took comfort in it. They are symbols of a new life and here they are -- probably trying to tell me to go get one already!




This one's got a broken wing. You can't see it on this photo, unfortunately. That doesn't stop him, though! (I assumed it's a "him," don't ask me how I know).

So why should I let annoying stuff get me down?

Erase, erase, erase!

Whoa, I'm posting something personal for a change! This is old news for most of my friends, but I've moved back into the family home several weeks ago. Don't ask why, it's a long story that I don't really want to get into. Moving back has opened a whole new chapter to my so-called life.




So this little guy, my dad's day-old chick, has something in common with me.


Moving all the stuff I had accumulated for five years outside the family home is a great feat -- it took a large suitcase, 2 balikbayan boxes and a couple of large paper bags.


My room looked like a right mess in the process. This wasn't even half of it. I keep forgetting to take photos recently. Sheesh.


And because I had too much apartment stuff, I had to make room. Thank goodness for Japan Home Center!!!



I got this cool multiple bag holder from the store and of course, like everything in the shop, it only cost me Php 85! Woot!


More on my "new" home life on my next update. I sense that's going to be soon. ^_^

Well, hello there!

Guess who's back?!?

*cricket sounds*

Ok, so MAYBE most people don't care about my resurrection from blogsphere semi-death. I never would have thought I would go so long without posting anything here.

What's with the absence? It's a loooooong story that I would preferably keep private. Basically, I ended up making drastic changes to my personal and social lifestyle. It looked rather dreary in the beginning, but lately, things have started to pan out and fall into place.

Shitty things happen when you least expect them to, but it's the way you bounce back that makes the person you are.



The last few weeks had been a time of reflection, realisations and rediscovery -- for which The Kooks played the music in the background. I love these guys. I'm thinking of stalking them. Harhar!