Infidelity 101

Q: He's cheated on me once, but i've given him another chance. Am i right to trust him again?

A: probably not -- and most definitely not if he's got a history of being unfaithful and being forgiven. most of us naively believe that if someone is in love and 'happy', they won't be tempted to have sex with anyone else. not true. many men (and women) attest to loving their partners dearly even though they've had sex on the side. the urge to cheat exists on some level in all of us. who gives into it and who resists depends on our personal morals and relationship history. if he's able to separate sex from love (and plenty can), affairs are his way of keeping himself sexually satisfied, he's cheated on every person he's ever been out with and been forgiven for doing so, why should he stop? the problem with giving second chances is this: once you forgive bad behaviour, you condone it. it's particularly pointless trusting him again if you knew he had a history of cheating on partners and you'd warned him you'd leave if he did it to you. if he hasn't a history of cheating, it's early in the relationship and this was a one-off incident with seemingly genuine reasons to explain it, hang in there -- but only if he appears to be more upset about the betrayal than you are.

-- Tracey Cox, Relationship Coach

~ from Frustrated Sosyalera's baul, circa 31.01.04

I think it's either you cheat or you don't.

If you're the type of person that doesn't really know what they specifically want in a partner or you don't think your partner is the type you wanted all along, you will end up looking sideways all the time to find out if you will find that elusive Mr or Miss Right.

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jerine said...

no way i will forgive my partner even if he cheating me once. although sex and love should not be consolidated, but still trust is the most important of all. and also respect

November 9, 2008 at 2:07 AM
eMz said...

@ jerine

i totally agree with you.

although if it was my husband and we have kids, i may think twice (too many things involved). but if it's just a boyfriend, screw him. hehe

November 9, 2008 at 10:43 AM
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